George Washington was a white man
Adams and Jefferson too
Abe Lincoln was a white man, probably
And William McKinley the whitest of them all
Was shot down by an immigrant in Buffalo
And a star fell out of heaven

I’m dreaming of a white President
Just like the ones we’ve always had
A real live white man
Who knows the score
How to handle money or start a war
Wouldn’t even have to tell me what we were fighting for
He’d be the right man
If he were a

I’m dreaming of a white President
Someone whom we can understand
Someone who knows where we’re coming from
And that the law of the jungle is not the law of this land

In deepest darkest Africa nineteen three
A little boy says, “Daddy, I just discovered relativity.
A big eclipse is coming
And I’ll prove it. Wait and see!”

“You better eclipse yourself outta here, son
And find yourself a tree
There’s a lion in the front yard
And he knows he won’t catch me.”

How many little Albert Einsteins
Cut down in their prime?
How many little Ronald Reagans
Gobbled up before their time?

I don’t believe in evolution
But it does occur to me,
What if little William Howard Taft had to face a lion
Or God forbid, climb a tree?
Where would this country be?

I’m dreaming of a white President
Buh buh buh buh
‘Cause things have never been this bad
So he won’t run the hundred in ten seconds flat
So he won’t have a pretty jump shot
Or be an Olympic acrobat
So he won’t know much about global warming
Is that really where you’re at?
He won’t be the brightest, perhaps
But he’ll be the whitest
And I’ll vote for that

Whiter than this?
Yes
Whiter than this?
Yes
Whiter than this?
Yes
Whiter than this?

Oh yeah

The Great Nations of Europe
Had gathered on the shore
They’d conquered what was behind them
And now they wanted more
So they looked to the mighty ocean
And took to the western sea
The great nations of Europe in the sixteenth century
Hide your wives and daughters
Hide the groceries too
Great nations of Europe coming through

The Grand Canary Islands
First land to which they came
They slaughtered all the canaries
Which gave the land its name
There were natives there called Guanches
Guanches by the score
Bullets, disease, the Portugese, and they weren’t there anymore

Now they’re gone, they’re gone, they’re really gone
You’ve never seen anyone so gone
They’re a picture in a museum
Some lines written in a book
But you won’t find a live one no matter where you look
Hide your wives and daughters
Hide the groceries too
Great nations of Europe coming through

Columbus sailed for India
Found Salvador instead
He shook hands with some Indians and soon they all were dead
They got TB and typhoid and athlete’s foot
Diptheria and the flu
Excuse me – Great nations coming through

Balboa found the pacific
And on the trail one day
He met some friendly Indians
Whom he was told were gay
So he had them torn apart by dogs on religious grounds they say
The great nations of Europe were quite holy in their way

Now they’re gone, they’re gone, they’re really gone
You’ve never seen anyone so gone
Some bones hidden in a canyon
Some paintings in a cave
There’s no use trying to save them
There’s nothing left to save
Hide your wives and daughters
Hide your sons as well
With the great nations of Europe you never can tell

From where you and I are standing
At the end of a century
Europes have sprung up everyone as even I can see
But there on the horizon as a possiblity
Some bug from out of Africa might come for you and me
Destroying everything in its path
From sea to shining sea
Like the great nations of Europe
In the sixteenth century

You looked like a princess the night we met
With your hair piled up high
I will never forget
I’m drunk right now baby
But I’ve got to be
Or I never could tell you
What you meant to me

I loved you the first time I saw you
And I always will love you Marie
I loved you the first time I saw you
And I always will love you Marie

You’re the song that the trees sing when the wind blows
You’re a flower, you’re a river, you’re a rainbow
Sometimes I’m crazy
But I guess you know
And I’m weak and I’m lazy
And I’ve hurt you so
And I don’t listen to a word you say
When you’re in trouble I just turn away

But I love you and I loved you the first time I saw you
And I always will love you Marie
I loved you the first time I saw you
And I always will love you Marie

I don’t love the mountains
And I don’t love the sea
And I don’t love Jesus
He never done a thing for me
I ain’t pretty like my sister
Or smart like my dad
Or good like my mama

It’s Money That I Love
It’s Money That I Love

They say that money
Can’t buy love in this world
But it’ll get you a half-pound of cocaine
And a sixteen-year old girl
And a great big long limousine
On a hot September night
Now that may not be love
But it is all right

One, two
It’s Money That I Love
Wanna kiss you
Three, four
It’s Money That I Love

Used to worry about the poor
But I don’t worry anymore
Used to worry about the black man
Now I don’t worry about the black man
Used to worry about the starving children of India
You know what I say now about the starving children of India?
I say, “Oh mama”

It’s Money That I Love
It’s Money That I Love
It’s Money That I Love

Will you have whiskey with your water
Or sugar with your tea?
What are these crazy questions
That they’re asking of me?
This is the wildest party that there ever could be
Oh, don’t turn on the light ’cause I don’t want to see

Mama told me not to come
Mama told me not to come
Mama said, “That ain’t no way to have fun”

Open up the window, let some air into this room
I think I’m almost choking on the smell of stale perfume
And that cigarette you’re smoking ’bout to scare me half to death
Open up the window, let me catch my breath
The radio is blasting, someone’s beating on the door
Our hostess is not lasting – she’s out on the floor
I seen so many things here I ain’t never seen before
I don’t know what it is – but I don’t wanna see no more

Mama told me not to come
Mama told me not to come
Mama said, “That ain’t no way to have fun”

I never drink in the afternoon
I never drink alone
But I sure do like a drink or two
When I get home

Every evening what I do
I sit here in this chair
I pour myself some whiskey
And watch my troubles vanish into the air

Rollin’, rollin’
Ain’t gonna worry no more
Rollin’, rollin’
Ain’t gonna worry no more

Used to worry about gamblin’
Throwin’ my money away
Used to worry about wastin’ time
And layin’ round the house all day

But I’m all right now
I’m all right now
I never thought I’d make it
But I always do somehow
I’m all right now

Rollin, rollin’
Ain’t gonna worry no more
Rollin, rollin
Ain’t gonna worry no more

Was a fool with my money
And I lost every dime
And the sun stopped shining
And it rained all the time
It did set me back some
But I made it through
But I’ll never get over losing you

Do you know how much you mean to me?
Should’ve told you ’cause it’s true
I’d get over losing anything
But I’ll never get over losing you

When you’re young
And there’s time
You forget the past
You don’t think that you will
But you do
But I know right now I don’t have time enough
And I’ll never get over losing you

I’ve been cold
I’ve been hungry
But not for awhile
I guess most of my dreams have come true
With it all here around me
No peace do I find

‘Cause I’ll never get over losing you
No, I’ll never get over losing you

I may go out tomorrow if I can borrow a coat to wear
Oh, I’d step out in style with my sincere smile and my dancing bear
Outrageous, alarming, courageous, charming
Oh, who would think a boy and bear
Could be well accepted everywhere
It’s just amazing how fair people can be

Seen at the nicest places where well-fed faces all stop to stare
Making the grandest entrance is Simon Smith and his dancing bear
They’ll love us, won’t they?
They feed us, don’t they?
Oh, who would think a boy and bear
Could be well accepted everywhere
It’s just amazing how fair people can be

Who needs money when you’re funny?
The big attraction everywhere
Will be Simon Smith and his dancing bear
It’s Simon Smith and the amazing dancing bear

Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
To live

They got little hands
Little eyes
They walk around
Tellin’ great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little feet

Well, I don’t want no Short People
Don’t want no Short People
Don’t want no Short People
`Round here

Short People are just the same
As you and I
(A Fool Such As I)
All men are brothers
Until the day they die
(It’s A Wonderful World)

Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
To love

They got little baby legs
That stand so low
You got to pick ‘em up
Just to say hello
They got little cars
That go beep, beep, beep
They got little voices
Goin’ peep, peep, peep
They got grubby little fingers
And dirty little minds
They’re gonna get you every time

Well, I don’t want no Short People
Don’t want no Short People
Don’t want no Short People
‘Round here

Cain slew Abel, Seth knew not why
For if the children of Israel were to multiply
Why must any of the children die?
So he asked the Lord
And the Lord said:

Man means nothing, he means less to me
Than the lowliest cactus flower
Or the humblest Yucca tree
He chases round this desert
‘Cause he thinks that’s where I’ll be
That’s why I love mankind

I recoil in horror from the foulness of thee
From the squalor and the filth and the misery
How we laugh up here in heaven at the prayers you offer me
That’s why I love mankind

The Christians and the Jews were having a jamboree
The Buddhists and the Hindus joined on satellite TV
They picked their four greatest priests
And they began to speak
They said, “Lord, a plague is on the world
Lord, no man is free
The temples that we built to you
Have tumbled into the sea
Lord, if you won’t take care of us
Won’t you please, please let us be?”
And the Lord said
And the Lord said

I burn down your cities-how blind you must be
I take from you your children and you say how blessed are we
You all must be crazy to put your faith in me
That’s why I love mankind
You really need me
That’s why I love mankind

When Karl Marx was a boy
He took a hard look around
He saw people were starving all over the place
While others were painting the town (buh, buh, buh)
The public spirited boy
Became a public spirited man
So he worked very hard and he read everything
Until he came up with a plan

There’ll be no exploitation
Of the worker or his kin
No discrimination ’cause the color of your skin
No more private property
It would not be allowed
No one could rise too high
No one could sink too low
Or go under completely like some we all know

If Marx were living today
He’d be rolling around in his grave
And if I had him here in my mansion on the hill
I’d tell him a story t’would give his old heart a chill
It’s something that happened to me

I’d say, Karl I recently stumbled
Into a new family
With two little children in school
Where all little children should be
I went to the orientation
All the young mommies were there
Karl, you never have seen such a glorious sight
As these beautiful women arrayed for the night
Just like countesses, empresses, movie stars and queens
And they’d come there with men much like me
Froggish men, unpleasant to see
Were you to kiss one, Karl
Nary a prince would there be

Oh Karl the world isn’t fair
It isn’t and never will be
They tried out your plan
It brought misery instead
If you’d seen how they worked it
You’d be glad you were dead
Just like I’m glad I’m living in the land of the free
Where the rich just get richer
And the poor you don’t ever have to see
It would depress us, Karl
Because we care
That the world still isn’t fair

What has happened down here is the winds have changed
Clouds roll in from the north and it started to rain
Rained real hard and it rained for a real long time
Six feet of water in the streets of Evangeline
The river rose all day
The river rose all night
Some people got lost in the flood
Some people got away alright
The river have busted through clear down to Plaquemines
Six feet of water in the streets of Evangelne

Louisiana, Louisiana
They’re tyrin’ to wash us away
They’re tryin’ to wash us away
Louisiana, Louisiana
They’re tryin’ to wash us away
They’re tryin’ to wash us away

President Coolidge came down in a railroad train
With a little fat man with a note-pad in his hand
The President say, “Little fat man isn’t it a shame what the river has done
To this poor crackers land.”

Louisiana, Louisiana
They’re tryin’ to wash us away
They’re tryin’ to wash us away
Louisiana, Louisiana
They’re tryin’ to wash us away
They’re tryin’ to wash us away
They’re tryin’ to wash us away
They’re tryin’ to wash us away

Baby, take off your coat…(real slow)
Baby, take off your shoes…(here, I’ll take your shoes)
Baby, take off your dress
Yes, yes, yes
You can leave your hat on
You can leave your hat on
You can leave your hat on

Go on over there and turn on the light…no, all the lights
Now come back here and stand on this chair…that’s right
Raise your arms up in to the air…shake ‘em
You give me a reason to live
You give me a reason to live
You give me a reason to live
You give me a reason to live

Suspicious minds are talking
Trying to tear us apart
They say that my love is wrong
They don’t know what love is
They don’t know what love is
They don’t know what love is
They don’t know what love is
I know what love is

I have nothing left to say
But I’m gonna say it anyway
Thirty years upon a stage
And I hear the people say
Why won’t he go away?
I pass the houses of the dead
They’re calling me to join their group
But I stagger on instead
Dear God, sweet God
Protect me from the truth, hey

I’m dead but I don’t know it
He’s dead, he’s dead
I’m dead but I don’t know
He’s dead, he’s dead
I’m dead but I don’t know it
He’s dead, he’s dead
Please don’t tell me so
Let me, let me, let me go

I have a family to support
But surely, that is no excuse
I’ve nothing further to report
Time you spend with me
Is time you lose
I always thought that I would know
When it was time to quit
That when I lost a step or two or three or four or five
I’d notice it
Now that I’ve arrived here safely
I find my talent has gone
Why do I go on and on and on and on and on
And on and on and on and on and on …

He’s dead, he’s dead, he’s dead
I don’t know it
He’s dead, he’s dead, he’s dead
I didn’t know
He’s dead, he’s dead, he’s dead
I didn’t know it

When will I end this bitter game?
When will I end this cruel charade?
Everything I write all sounds the same
Each record that I’m making
Is like a record that I’ve made
Just not as good

I’m dead but I don’t know it
He’s dead, he’s dead
I’m dead but I don”t know
He’s dead, he’s dead
I’m dead but I don’t know it
He’s dead, he’s dead
Please don’t tell me so
Please don’t tell me so

You’re dead!

She’s a real emotional girl
She wears her heart on her sleeve
Every little thing you tell her
She’ll believe
She really will

She even cries in her sleep
I’ve heard her
Many times before
I never had a girl who loved me
Half as much as this girl loves me
She’s real emotional

For eighteen years she lived at home
She was Daddy’s little girl
And Daddy helped her move out on her own
She met a boy
He broke her heart
And now she lives alone
And she’s very, very careful
Yes she is

She’s a real emotional girl
Lives down deep inside her herself
She turns on easy
It’s like a hurricane
You would not believe it
You gotta hold on tight to her
She’s a real emotional girl

Still in my heart
After all these years
Separated by time
And now by distance
I couldn’t allow myself to feel
The loss that I feel right now
As I put this song down
You’re far away
And happy I know
And it’s a little bit late
Twenty years or so
And it’s a little bit cold
For all those concerned
But I’d sell my soul and your souls for a song
So I’ll pour my heart out

I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I’m sorry but I do
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I’m sorry but it’s true

I want to thank you for the good years
And apologize for the rough ones
You must be laughing yourself sick
Up there in Idaho
But I wanted to write you one
Before I quit
And this one’s it

I miss you
I miss you
And I wanted you to know
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
And I still love you so

I know what’s going on here
Ain’t no great mystery
Y’all have lost faith in yourselves
It’s as clear as it can be
You can whine all you want to
Drown in your misery
Or you can listen to me
Listen to me

Laugh and be happy
Don’t you ever wear a frown
Don’t let the bastards grind you down

Laugh and be happy
It’s a simple thing to do
Believe in your dreams
And your dreams will come true for you

There’ll be a red sun shining in a sky so blue
Blackbirds singing in the trees
There’ll be a real silver lining
Up there for me and you
Listen to me
Listen to me

Now the country that we’re living in
You mean the good ol’ USA?
That’s right!
It’s never been about keeping you out
It’s about inviting you in and letting you play

So laugh and be happy
Smile right in their face
‘Cause pretty soon
You’re gonna take their place

You’ll come a-whack whack whackin’ like old man trouble
Whacking on their front door
They want to send you packin’ on the double
But you ain’t going away no more

Laugh and be happy
Don’t you ever wear a frown
Get right back on your feet
Whenever they knock you down

You’ve got to laugh and be happy
Believe me when I say
Everything’s going to go your way
You’ll be on top of the world

No one likes us-I don’t know why
We may not be perfect, but heaven knows we try
But all around, even our old friends put us down
Let’s drop the big one and see what happens

We give them money-but are they grateful?
No, they’re spiteful and they’re hateful
They don’t respect us-so let’s surprise them
We’ll drop the big one and pulverize them

Asia’s crowded and Europe’s too old
Africa is far too hot
And Canada’s too cold
And South America stole our name
Let’s drop the big one
There’ll be no one left to blame us

We’ll save Australia
Don’t wanna hurt no kangaroo
We’ll build an All American amusement park there
They got surfin’, too

Boom goes London and boom Paree
More room for you and more room for me
And every city the whole world round
Will just be another American town

Oh, how peaceful it will be
We’ll set everybody free
You’ll wear a Japanese kimono
And there’ll be Italian shoes for me

They all hate us anyhow
So let’s drop the big one now
Let’s drop the big one now

I like your mother
I like your brother
I like you
And you like me too
We’ll get a preacher
I’ll buy a ring
We’ll hire a band
With an accordion
A violin
And a tenor who can sing

You and me you and me, baby
You and me you and me you and me, baby
You and me you and me you and me, baby
You and me you and me you and me, baby

We’ll have a kid
Or maybe we’ll rent one
He’s got to be straight
We don’t want a bent one
He’ll drink his baby brew
From a big brass cup
Someday he may be president
If things loosen up

You and me you and me, baby
You and me you and me you and me, baby
You and me you and me you and me, baby
You and me you and me you and me, baby

I’ll take the train into the city ev’ry mornin’
You may be plain – I think you’re pretty – in the mornin’
And some nights we’ll go out dancin’
If I am not too tired
Some nights we’ll sit romancin’
Watching the Late Show by the fire

When our kids are grown
With kids of their own
They’ll send us away
To a little home in Florida
We’ll play checkers all day
Until we pass away

Something in your eyes
Makes me want to lose myself
Makes me want to lose myself
In your arms

There’s something in your voice
Makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
The rest of my lifeIf you knew how lonely my life has been
And how low I’ve felt for so long
If you knew how I wanted someone
To come along
And change my life the way you’ve done

Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I’m all the way back where I come from
Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I’m all the way back where I belong

A window breaks
Down a long dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I’m alright ’cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see
Through the dark there’s a light

If you knew how much this moment
Means to me
And how long I’ve waited for your touch
If you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought I’d love anyone so much

Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I’m all the way back
Where I come from
Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I’m all the way back where I belong
Feels like I’m all the way back where I belong

I’d like to say a few words
In defense of our country
Whose people aren’t bad
Nor are they mean
Now the leaders we have
While they’re the worst that we’ve had
Are hardly the worst
This poor world has seen

Take the Caesars for example
Within the first few of them
They were sleeping with their sister,
Stashing little boys in swimming pools
And burning down the city
And one of ‘em, one of ‘em
Appointed his own horse to be Consul of the Empire
That’s like vice president or something
Wait a minute, that’s not a very good example is it?
But wait, here’s one,
The Spanish Inquisition
It put people in a terrible position
I don’t even like to think about it
Well sometimes I like to think about it

Just a few words in defense of our country
Whose time at the top
Could be coming to an end
We don’t want your love
And respect at this point is pretty much out of the question
But times like these
We sure could use a friend

Hitler
Stalin
Men who need no introduction
King Leopold of Belgium, that’s right
Everyone thinks he’s so great
Well he owned The Congo and he tore it up too
He took the diamonds
He took the silver
He took the gold
You know what he left them with?
Malaria

A President once said,
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”
Now, we’re supposed to be afraid
It’s patriotic in fact and color-coded
And what are we supposed to be afraid of?
Why of being afraid
That’s what terror means, doesn’t it?
That’s what it used to mean

You know it kind of pisses me off
That this Supreme Court is going to outlive me
A couple of young Italian fellas and a brother on the Court now, too
But I defy you, anywhere in the world,
To find me two Italians as tightassed as the two Italians we got
And as for the brother, well
Pluto’s not a planet anymore either

The end of an Empire is messy at best
And this Empire is ending
Like all the rest
Like the Spanish Armada adrift on the sea
We’re adrift in the land of the brave and the home of the free

Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye

In America you’ll get food to eat
Won’t have to run through the jungle
And scuff up your feet
You’ll just sing about Jesus and drink wine all day
It’s great to be an American

Ain’t no lions or tigers
Ain’t no mamba snake
Just the sweet watermelon and the buckwheat cake
Ev’rybody is as happy as a man can be
Climb aboard, little wog
Sail away with me

Sail away
Sail away
We will cross the mighty ocean into Charleston Bay
Sail away
Sail away
We will cross the mighty ocean into Charleston Bay

In America every man is free
To take care of his home and his family
You’ll be as happy as a monkey in a monkey tree
You’re all gonna be an American

Sail away
Sail away
We will cross the mighty ocean into Charleston Bay
Sail away
Sail away
We will cross the mighty ocean into Charleston Bay

Broken windows and empty hallways
A pale dead moon in the sky streaked with gray
Human kindness is overflowing
And I think it’s going to rain today

Scarecrows dressed in the latest styles
With frozen smiles to chase love away
Human kindness is overflowing
And I think it’s going to rain today

Lonely, lonely
Tin can at my feet
Think I’ll kick it down the street
That’s the way to treat a friend

Bright before me the signs implore me
Help the needy and show them the way
Human kindness is overflowing
And I think it’s going to rain today